there is a pirate in the woods

there is a pirate in the woods

It was well after the second world wide food famine and shortly before the North American water shortage of the early 21st century that a few people began to take notice of some significant side effects to some over the counter herbal supplements they had been taking.
Not every one felt the effects of the tainted organic pharmaceuticals. It was a little less then 1%, but these weren't your A-typical 1%'ers, these were 1%'ers who took great pride in the fact that even though there were a lot more of them then they thought there should have been, they were still very few in number when compared to the entire global population. Although 1% of 4 billion is, well, a lot.

I was watching another water riot take place on my computer screen while I sipped my coffee that early spring morning. I had the back door of my crappy 800 square foot apartment open up to hear my neighbor coughing below me and stop coughing just long enough to exhale her cigarette smoke which carried up into my little slice of heaven and made my dog sneeze. Dogs have very sensitive noses, so I kicked that bitch and told her to get the fuck out of my way. I need a refill and she almost made me trip and spill what was left of my coffee onto my pre stained carpet, "stupid dog", I muttered.
The computer told me that California, like most of the other overcrowded states in our unsteady union of sovereign but dependent united states of America, was in a severe drought. Lines had formed at the local Ultra-Mega-Mart for water rationing in LA.
I got bored and turned on some porn, sipped my coffee and soon grew tired of plastic women, prescription erections and the general fakery that exists in everything televised and recorded.

My dog looked at me.

I had in my hands some little green pills, I don't know why they were green but, I bought them. Why would you buy little green pills you ask? Well it is because the foods you buy today are generally void of nutritional content. That's why everyone is so fat these days. We eat food, it tastes good, but it has no real nutritional value. Our body burns up what it uses too quickly, then we are hungry again, never satiated because there is nothing to food. It's like watching television, you watch and watch, but your eyes never fill with the sight of it and your mind never is full enough either. You feel full sometimes and your eyes hurt and you have to turn away for a while, but then in a little bit, back to your mire.
Television, empty calories for the brain. But not for my brain, I threw out my TV, and my empty V(mtv) went in the trash, never looked back.

There is this things out theres called books which has informations insides of thems. You can reads them and it helps with your concentrations and actually fires synapses in your brain, tvs kills your brain and makes it fats with emptiness.

So why was I eating little green pills, because my body needs nutrients that you can't get from food anymore. I thought I already told you that... After the first global food famine Ultra-Mega-Mart bought the company that owns the other company that has a controlling stock in the company that now has patented all the seeds of the world. Nothing grows in the wild anymore, there are huge farms now that grow bananas in a controlled environment, peaches too. Millions of peaches there. This company has also recently patented most of the domestic animals that we use for food. Since they don't grow in the wild anymore either. Now the company that owns the patents on all the seeds and most animals we use for food also had to patent all the chemicals to fight all the diseases it created to keep our world food supply safe from the sleeper cell insurgents who want to take away our freedoms because they hate us. They hate our freedoms and they want to enslave us to their backwards religious christian ways!

I grunt in their general direction as I eat a handful of green pills and wash it down with a slug of black coffee from Guatemala, that's my favorite, nice and light with floral and nutty tones.

There is nothing quite like sitting in your underwear drinking coffee in the morning filtering out all the garbage on the inter web from the real news. "Trench Coat Club calls truce with the White Tuxedo Mafia" ...front page story is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. I think the White Tux Mafia is a government front, I don't even think they exist. Just too convenient sometimes, when things fall right into place at the right time. say, right before an election and right after another economic collapse. then suddenly, WE HAVE FOUND THE CULPRITS!!! THEY DID IT!!! and we all feel safe and ease back into our EZ chairs and watch more MTZ ,be sure to cheer on our favorite sports team because all is well in the world.

Well on this unusually warm day in June, or July I had other plans. No plans that I had made or known about. Plans someone else somewhere else in the deep dark recesses of time, space, and fate had made. I mean they didn't know me, they probably had no idea what they did to the 1% of their cherished demographic. They probably didn't even have a clue.
Also unknown to Ultra-Mega-Mart, the company that owns the patents on the chemicals that fight the diseases that they make to keep us all safe from world hunger and global terrorism, there was a batch of chemically laced disease that failed to kill cells in a petri dish fast enough that didn't get disposed of in the proper way down there in the Guatemala laboratory. I mean, they were wearing shoes, I think, not much else. I mean its hot as fuck down there, its like 100 degrees in the shade covered in mosquitoes with monkey shit falling from the canopy.

What exactly happened to me I do not know, but 7 out of 10 people died from those little green pills, 1 out of 10 went insane. Me..............................I tripped my balls off for a week.